Today, as Chris Jaffe at The Hardball Times kindly chronicles, is the 60th anniversary of the debut of baseball’s shortest player (and owner of the best career on-base percentage), Eddie Gaedel. In honor of the St. Louis Browns’ Gaedel and vertically challenged players everywhere, we present two all-time teams, prompted by a discussion with curator of all things abnormal, Matt Sebek: The All-Time Diminutive Cardinals and the All-Time Diminutive Browns (that is, 5′9″ and under). We took the best single-season performances at each position and filled a 25-man roster for each team.

First, Bill Veeck’s Browns:

And the Cardinals:

Notes:

• The Cardinals lineup features several Hall of Famers: Wallace, Burkett, Slaughter, Bresnahan, Huggins, Eckstein*.
• And you thought Branch Rickey was famous only for his role in Jackie Robinson’s career! He was a legendary short player!
• Crab Burkett, Wallace and Willie Sudhoff appear on both teams.
• Long before Stubby Clapp came onto the scene, there was Stubby Overmire.

* University of Florida Athletic Hall of Fame

Though some baseball truths — the travesty of the designated hitter, that much of what we perceive as pitching is actually defense and that there’s no such thing as clutch hitting — may not be self-evident, at least those enumerated in the Declaration of Indepedence — that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness — still are. So, with this Sunday being the anniversary of our great nation’s independence, we’d like to honor the bold, right-thinking men who claimed those truths and gave birth to the greatest nation the world has ever known, not the least because of its contribution of baseball.

Fifty-six delegates eventually signed the declaration. Many of them lent their names to future baseball players, so we present our Declaration of Independence Signers Team: players whose names include all or part of a name of one of the declaration’s signatories.

When Tony La Russa penciled rookie David Freese into the opening-day starting lineup, he wrote history. That is, he broke his own record for opening-day third baseman obscurity. (What, that’s not an official record?) Last year at the hot corner, the Cardinals fielded the unheralded Brian Barden, with 84 career games to his credit (76 as a Cardinal). Now, to be fair, Barden is still an active major leaguer (with the Marlins), and Freese will likely play most of the 2010 season with the Cardinals and has a shot at a productive big-league career. But for now, with 18 career games, he’s the most obscure the team has ever had to open a season at third.

Who else is on the all-obscure team? Glad you asked:

Honorable mentions: Brian Barden-3B (2009), Manny Lee-2B (1995), Donovan Osborne-P (1999), Mike Ramsey-2B (1983), Geronimo Pena-2B (1993), Rex Hudler-CF (1991), Tito Landrum-CF (1987), Dane Iorg-LF (1982), Felix Jose-RF (1991), Lee Richard-SS (1976), Joe Hague-1B (1972), Bob Uecker-CF (1964, 65),
Tom Alston-1B (1954)

Did you know? Manny Lee played 992 major-league games, but only one for the Cardinals. The team’s first game of the 1995 season was Lee’s last of his career.

In honor of that great missionary to Ireland, St. Patrick, we give you the all-time St. Louis Irish team, comprised of players who, according to Baseball-Reference, were born in Ireland and played at least one game for a professional St. Louis team. We confess that we cheated on one of them, but, in fairness, lad, only 43 Irish-born men have actually played in the major leagues.

Pitcher: Pete Daniels (County Cavan, Ireland)
Smiling Pete went eight years between appearances (talk about pitching on rest) and tossed 54 2/3 innings with the 1898 Browns (the Cardinal franchise).

Pitcher: Con Lucid (Dublin, Ireland)
Lucid threw 49 innings with the Browns (NL) in 1897. He ended his career in St. Louis and later, sadly, ended his own life.

Catcher: Jack O’Neill C/1B/OF (Galway, Ireland)
O’Neill caught only 280 games in his career, which began with the Cardinals in 1902. So his claim to fame was being traded with Hall of Famer Mordecai Brown to the Cubs. His 2nd most-similar batter is Pujols. Luis Pujols.

1B: Tony Mullane (Cork, Ireland)
Before Greg Harris and Pat Venditte, there was "The Apollo of the Box," Tony Mullane. Like Billy Wagner, Mullane injured his right arm and learned to throw lefthanded. He resumed throwing righthanded after his arm healed and would even alternate throwing from each side in the same game. Best known as a pitcher, he tossed 460 2/3 innings and played outfield, first base and second base for the Browns in 1883, then tried to sign with the St. Louis Maroons of the Union Association but the reserve clause prevented it.

2B: Hugh Daily (Ireland)
One-Arm Daily broke in as a 34-year-old rookie and once struck out 483 batters in a single season. But his "horrific, cuss-laden in-game outbursts towards the opposition, umpires, fans, and teammates" led to no team ever re-signing him for a second season. One of those teams was the St. Louis Maroons, for whom he pitched (and swore) in 1885. Playing with only one hand, he logged two games as a second baseman the year before and turned a double play as a shortstop.

3B: Paddy O’Connor (County Kerry, Ireland)
O’Connor mostly caught in his 83-game major-league career, but his one game at third base is enough for our team, as are his seven games for the Cardinals in 1914, when he posted a -23 OPS+. We didn’t even know that was possible.

SS: Brendan Ryan
His name is about as Irish as you can get, but alas, "The Flyin’ Irishman" hails from California. Tá bron orm!

OF: Patsy Donovan (Queenstown, Ireland)
With 8172 plate appearances in a 17-year career, Donovan is the most accomplished Irish hitter. As a Cardinal, the slap-hitting outfielder led the league with 45 stolen bases in 1900 and later became the team’s player-manager and baseball’s highest-paid player, with an $8,000 salary in 1902.

OF: Mike O’Neill (Maam, Ireland)
A lifelong Cardinal, O’Neill was was one of four brothers who played in the major leagues, including Jack (see above) and Paul (just kidding there). He was "a good-hitting pitcher who occasionally played in the left field" and is known (well, not by many) for hitting the first pinch grand slam in major league history, which happened to be an inside-the-parker. He also became the first National League pitcher to hit a grand slam in the 20th century.

OF: Sleeper Sullivan (Ireland)
The guy went by "Sleeper," and his given name was Thomas Jefferson Sullivan. His nickname was "Old Iron Hands." That alone is an impressive career. The former Maroon and Brownie outfielder-catcher-pitcher is buried at Calvary Cemetery in St. Louis, resting place of General William Tecumseh Sherman, Dred Scott and Tennessee Williams.