Ed. note: As we enter Christmas week, we’re going to be taking a break from our duties at the keyboard. But as is our custom, we’re going to do a short series of Top 10 lists and All-Teams, beginning with the Top 10 Widest Cardinal Splits of 2008.

10. Aaron Miles Runs Created per 27 outs during night games: 3.33. During day: 8.16

9. Brad Thompson K/BB as starter: 2.43 (124 BF). as reliever: 1.25 (149 BF)

8. Rick Ankiel home runs pre-All-Star Break: 20. Post-All-Star Break: 5

7. Adam Kennedy Isolated Power vs. LHP: .027. vs. RHP: .109

6. Yadier Molina On-Base Percentage on 1-0 count (42 PA): .476. on 1-1 count (55 PA): .200

5. Kyle McClellan ERA at home: 2.84. Away: 5.26

4. Felipe Lopez walks per plate appearance vs. RHP: .094 (117 PA). vs. LHP: .000 (52 PA)

3. Cesar Izturis stolen bases pre-All-Star Break (73 games): 8. Post-All-Star Break: 16 (62 games)

2. Troy Glaus Gross-Production Average batting 4th: .225. Batting 5th: .293

1. Randy Flores Gross-Production Average Against with bases empty: .253. With runners on: .338 (NL avg: .249, .253)

So you’ve probably read the news that “an Illinois woman is suing the St. Louis Cardinals for allowing a text message that falsely suggested her daughter has a sexually transmitted disease to be posted on the ballpark’s message board during a game.” While at first glance, this seems like an ephemeral story of easily hurt feelings, with little import, it in reality could set precedent for many other such cases to find their way into the legal system. After all, this poor woman’s complaint is only one of many insults we saw on the message screen at the ballpark this summer:

10. Lidge: Im your huckleberry. -AP
9. Howz that shoulder, #27? Alex n Hee Sop
8. Leave me alone, Dunc -Reyes
7. Nice W-L record, Kip!!! -Strauss
6. JLu: UR killin me. –Jock
5. TINSTAAPP — Dunc
4. Hancock owes us a new bumper. -Eddie’s Towing
3. I H8 U, TLR! -#27
2. Edmonds has an STD! Eww!
1. How you like me now? — Danny H

(The irrepressible Matt Sebek has a few more sightings at JoeSportsFan.)

10. Julian Tavarez

9. Jacque Jones

8. J.D. Drew

7. Ted Lilly

6. Alex Rodriguez

5. Kenny Lofton

4. Alfonso Soriano

3. David Ortiz

2. Jason Giambi

1. Manny Ramirez

10. fawn chiggers
9. Pinky Higgins
8. gone fishin’
7. Fagin
6. prawn fixin’s
5. Shawn Chacon
4. raw fig leaves
3. lawn trimmings
2. Frodo Baggins
1. cold chillin’

10. While he was in the holding cell, he worked out the pitching matchups for the first half of the season.

9. The reason he took so long to respond to the cop knocking on his window was that he was trying to put on his Bobby Valentine groucho mask.

8. Though the report said he had sat through two stoplights, officers actually profiled him for the blackletter-fonted "ARF" on his rear window.

7. The one field-sobriety test he passed was a sharply-hit grounder to his right.

6. The original statement that the club released read "The Cardinals organization remains supportive of Tony, who, even drunk, can outmanage Lou Piniella, stone-sober!"

5. Though cooperative, La Russa demanded that his blood-alcohol level be expressed to six decimal places on the official report.

4. La Russa had last been seen fishing with Bill Belicheck, who had brought a case of his home-brewed lager to share.

3. The breathalizer that La Russa used is going for $254.50 on eBay right now.

2 . The six minutes of sleep he got at the stoplight was the only rest he’s allowed himself since Feb. 15.

1. At the police station, he used his one telephone call to drunk-dial Dusty Baker and recite a passage from Three Nights in August.